Vinyl Draft

For those of you who aren’t lucky enough to know me on a personal level, I tend to be kind of a dick.  Having said that, I expend a great deal of energy holding myself back, filtering my thoughts and opinions before they have a chance to get out into the world.

But I have a few things I need to get off my chest.  Ready?

• I hate it when people say that the Da Vinci Code is one of their favorite books.  That’s like saying American Idol is your favorite television show, or Fall Out Boy is your favorite band.  You have no taste, and I highly recommend you keep that to yourself.  Or don’t, if you want people to know that you’re either dumb or too lazy to find a little enlightenment that’s never been advertised in People magazine.
• I have no respect for people are aren’t willing to argue with me.  I know that sounds strange, and I’m well aware of the fact that my opinions are correct a good portion of the time, but c’mon.  Grow a pair and stand up for yourself.  I’d much rather deal with an honest differing opinion than a disingenuous complimentary one.
• I’ve lost a lot of faith in the basic decency of other people, and I blame cell phones and online social networking.  People no longer feel like they should have to answer phone calls, emails or text messages if they don’t feel like it at the moment.  Returning messages is something everyone should always do, no exceptions.  If someone is taking the time to get in touch with me, the least I can do is inform them that I don’t want to have anything to do with them.  It’s just the decent thing to do.
• People need to discern the appropriate times and places to wear sunglasses.  And talk on cell phones.  The gym is not the place for either.  I don’t care to hear about how drunk you were last weekend while I’m trying to do my squat-thrusts.  And, while you think you may look good, only the Terminator is allowed to wear sunglasses indoors at night.
• Also, I’m going to murder the next person who sits in front of me and sends 30 text messages in a two-hour movie.  I’d go to jail for that.
• The double white line that separates the carpool lane from the rest of the freeway is NOT to be crossed.  I don’t know why that’s so hard to understand.  It tells me that you’re a moron if you cross it, no question.

I’ve got a feeling that this is only part one in a series.  It occurs to me that I have a social responsibility here, and I’m going to help you idiots out if I can.